what to do when a relationship breaks up

today's podcast episode

​What To Do When A Relationship Breaks Up.   This episode of the Aspire and Reach for More Podcast examines the emotions that make relationship break-ups difficult. The break-up can create fears, leave you with many questions, and trying to figure out what to do next. We will Aspire and Reach for More in our lives by choosing to heal after a relationship failure.

Relationship Break-up
The emotions that make it difficult

• Sadness – "I miss them more than I thought I would"
• Denial – "I can't believe this happened to me."
• Anger – "Why did I waste my time."
• Disbelief – "How did this happen."
• Rejection – "Why did they not want to be with me."
• Isolation – "I don't feel like being around anyone because they will ask me about the situation."
• Embarrassment – "Everyone thought we were a great couple, now what do I say."

The fears relationship break-ups create in your heart

• Abandonment – "Why did they break up with me."
• Rejection – "They picked someone else over me."
• Loneliness – "I miss them".
• Taken advantage of – "I wish I knew sooner this was not going to work out."

The relationship break-ups questions in your mind

• Will they move on forget about me? Hoping it could be worked out, wanting to matter to the other person.
• Will I find someone else? Sometimes we perceive others will not want us because this person did not.
• Is it always going to be this difficult? - That is an unfair judgment because each relationship is different.
• Did they love me, or was it a lie? You can keep asking this question and stay stuck, or you can choose to believe the relationship for what it was. This will allow you to move through this phase and grieve.

What to do next

Grieve the relationship and allow yourself to move forward. It's okay to acknowledge that you miss them. Allow yourself to let go, give away or return the items gained from the relationship. If giving the items back is unsafe or the other person has stated they don't want it, respect that wish, and don't.

Appreciate the time you spent with that person and the fun you had. Remember, the entire relationship was not bad. You made a choice to connect, love, and spend time with the individual. This made the relationship have merit. There was love, fun, joy, and good in it. Without those elements saying goodbye would be easier.

Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. This will help you to safely share and allow you to release the emotions. Talking with someone who is wise helps us to get a balanced perspective of the situation. Allow yourself to express the hurt and sadness in a safe way. Be honest about your part in the break-up.

Learn from the relationship mistakes. Learning from our errors helps us to feel empowered. Not creating the same type of relationship environment allows us to grow. Being in relationships allows us to see ourselves the way other people see us. Use that information to make changes and become better at relating to others. Grow in compassion, understanding, and communication.

Choose to be better in the next relationship. We have to make a choice to improve and change. You can stay the same and repeat the mistakes of the past relationship or you can choose to get better. You can choose to change using the information you have learned about yourself. If you keep blaming the other person and refuse to see what you contributed, then change will be limited, and growth will be difficult.