When your partner or spouse dies, there are many aspects of the relationship to grieve. The losses add up, from the pain of no longer having a friend, lover, and companion to losing a financial partner. Some spouses were business partners, raised kids together, supported, coached one another. Losing a partner leaves an empty space where your cheerleader and biggest fan once was. Depending on how connected the roles such as partners in business, raising children together, now you are adjusting to the loss as well as taking on new roles. The loss of a partner can leave you uncomfortable or lack of confidence. There are reminders of grief experienced when you are performing everyday tasks and during special occasions.
The depth of sharing and intimacy in relationships also leaves a quite but unspoken truth. The sense of losing someone who knew you well. Your partner knew what the thoughts revealed on your face meant, the subtle ways you moved when happy, sad or fearful. Someone who understood when you need help but couldn’t ask, when you need a way out of an uncomfortable situation. A friend who did not judge your past or family, but supported you in embracing them. Respected your journey, grieved and empathized with your previous losses, pain, and suffering. Someone who had character traits you wish you possessed while allowing you to be known, understood and moved freely.
You will feel like:
Tips to help in the process:
Its ok to ask for help and take the help being offered to reduce the amount of task that takes up energy you need to heal. Allow others to help with housework, running errands, cooking and just being available to listen. Your friends and family want to help, teach them how to be there for you in the way you need them most.
Do not rush yourself through the healing process or deny your feelings. Denial will keep you in the grief loop longer. Rushing your feelings for the sake of others or because the process of grief is painful can work against you in the long run. You have experienced an incredibly painful loss of someone you loved. It is unrealistic after years of being with someone and losing them to suddenly be confidently adjusted to the loss. The healing process takes as much time as you need, you can adjust to some aspects of grieving quicker than others and be functional while taking time to recover. Take the timetable out of your plans and focus on progress, not a finish line. Small daily progress is a healthy sign, think of the healing process as small steps first crawl, then walk, and in time you will be able to run with your new perspective, growth, and healing.
Remember the good memories and celebrate the life of your loved one. Death brings several fears along with the range of feelings. One is the fear of forgetting your loved one; this can be proven wrong by choosing to celebrate the life of your spouse. Sharing how much your spouse or partner meant to you with people who are able to support, respect and give time to share in this sacred and powerful act of honor. Rituals are needed to help express the pain of loss and allow for movement through the grief process.
Take care of yourself mentally and physically. You can achieve this by avoiding isolation, which is the natural feeling of wanting to be alone, because of the time and energy it takes to be with others. When grieving being alone for long periods of time can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and sadness. Movement and action help you to stay active, helps kick in the natural endorphins which reduce physical pain and are need to feel better. You will not feel like eating or may find yourself overeating. It’s important to be aware of changes in mood, appetite, and sleep lasting over a significant amount of time. These changes may indicate a bigger issue and require professional counseling to assess if the grief has become a depression or beginning to impact daily functioning.
If you are in the El Paso, Texas area and in need of grief and loss counseling call us at 915-540-5771 or email us at email@example.com. Schedule an appointment today!
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